A national state of emergency is declared in Ethiopia in the wake of anti-government protests which is a way better reason than needing to build a wall because you're scared of Mexicans.

NFL team Cleveland Browns fire Bill Belichik as their head coach. Then they lose their team to Baltimore. Then they come back and don't really do anything... Brandon Weeden... Johnny Manziel... 

Meanwhile, hindsight continues to punch Cleveland in the face.

Amazon cancels plans to build a corporate campus in Long Island, Queens, New York after widespread opposition to anything else to do with Jeff Bezos' penis.

British boy band Take That disbands. It prompts the UK government to set up counselling phone lines.

I have nothing to add. That's what happened. Sometimes the facts are ridiculous enough.

Scientists warn the public about harmful impacts of genetically modified food. Like most things scientists warn us about, the public says "Meh, tell us when it will kill us quickly."

Pluto moves further away from the sun than Neptune regaining its status as the outermost planet in the solar system. Five years later Neil Degrasse Tyson says "NOPE!"

Republicans Carly Forina and Chris Christie drop out of the American Presidential race because somehow Donald Trump knew best how to grab the American people.

Zeno is crowned emperor of the Byzantine Empire, promising to destroy alien lifeforms in order to distribute thetans across the world which will attach themselves to all humans in order to make them sad...

I'm being told that Zeno is not the name of some alien overlord at the heart of Scientology. It's Xenu. What a horrible mistake I've made about a batshit concept.

Dear Scientology, please don't sue me.

"Full Frontal with Samantha Bee" debuts on TBS. America finally comes to terms with Jon Stewart not being the focus of American political discussion. A week later that feeling subsides.

Still work to do, Sam. Go girl. Keep going.

American actress Uma Thurman is named a knight of the Ordre des Arts et des Lettres of France for outstanding achievement in the field of art and literature.

When "My Super Ex-Girlfriend" is released five months later, France asks for it back.